1
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2
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3
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With my head in a spin

4
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to scream and shout

5
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6
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7
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:29,280
What's wrong with you?
Why aren't you sucking?

8
00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:30,880
Are you only set to "gently arouse"?

9
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:33,960
Oh!

10
00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:36,640
Lucy?! Are you coming down or what?

11
00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:39,000
Anna and Toby will be
here very soon.

12
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Can't you feel it?
The air has turned chilly

13
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,920
and animals are retreating
to their burrows.

14
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And keep your nose to yourself,
you pervert!

15
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Come on, Lucy!
There's still loads to do.

16
00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:54,640
I still haven't put the supermarket

17
00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:56,560
wine in the expensive-looking
bottles yet.

18
00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:00,800
Oh, at last. You've been ages
in that bath.

19
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I've not even had a bath yet.

20
00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:07,480
Oh, Lee,
I've made a terrible mistake.

21
00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:12,200
I just wanted a new look.

22
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Very nice. But you might need
to cut some eyeholes in it.

23
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You know how yesterday I went
for a hair and beauty treatment

24
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because Anna was coming?
Yeah. Well, when I got home,

25
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did you notice anything
different about me?

26
00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:28,480
What, when you were swinging through
the trees and stealing bananas?

27
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I thought you hadn't noticed.
Hardly surprising.

28
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It didn't have much
effect yesterday,

29
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but it certainly has now.

30
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Oh, Lee, it's all gone wrong!

31
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What has? Do you promise
not to be too shocked?

32
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OK, I promise.

33
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Oh.

34
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Don't tell me.

35
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Is it false eyelashes?

36
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Look at my lips.

37
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HIGH-PITCHED: Oh, yeah.

38
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They're not too bad. Not too bad?!

39
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I look like I've swallowed a baboon
and only the arse is left.

40
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The woman at the salon said it would

41
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help get rid of
tiny wrinkles around my lips.

42
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It was supposed to be just
a subtle enhancement, but then...

43
00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:28,440
She tripped and fell on the lever?

44
00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:32,800
I've obviously had some sort of
allergic reaction.

45
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I rang them and they said
it would take a few days to go down.

46
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Oh. Until then, no-one else
can see me like this.

47
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What about Anna and Toby?

48
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They'll be here in two hours
and they're staying the night.

49
00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:46,240
Well, we have to cancel.
We can't cancel them,

50
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:47,520
they've probably already set off.

51
00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:50,200
Well, they'll just have to
stop the car right now.

52
00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:52,320
I can probably kiss them
on the cheek from here.

53
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:55,600
Please, Lee.

54
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Phone Toby and Anna and cancel them.

55
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OK.

56
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I'll explain what's happened. No!

57
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We are not telling them the truth.

58
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Anna will think I'm so pathetically
desperate to impress her,

59
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I had a cosmetic procedure.

60
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Yeah, that's what happened.

61
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:14,040
Sorry, but you have been acting
very over the top

62
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about Anna and Toby coming.

63
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Beauty treatments,
buying a new handbag,

64
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,800
even though we're having
a night in.

65
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Telling Anna you've been
cooking all week,

66
00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:23,960
even though we're about to have
the food delivered.

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You don't know what it's like
with me and Anna.

68
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Her life is really perfect.

69
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Fancy cars, expensive outfits,

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successful husband.

71
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I can hear this, you know.

72
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We are not telling them the truth.

73
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We have to tell them something. OK.

74
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How about we say

75
00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:46,960
my mum's been rushed to hospital?
Lucy, that's awful.

76
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:50,280
You can't say that.
All right. Um, I'm in hospital.

77
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Minor car accident.

78
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Luckily, your airbags went off
in time.

79
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Or you could be the one in hospital
with my fist shoved up your arse.

80
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And it's not even my birthday.

81
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KNOCKING ON DOOR

82
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Oh, my God! The food's here.

83
00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:10,720
It's OK, Lucy. I will take
the food in.

84
00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:14,040
Go upstairs, have your bath,
and I'll be up in a minute.

85
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And between us,

86
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we will decide the best way
to cancel Anna and Toby.

87
00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:20,560
You're going to be all right, Lucy.

88
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Certainly no danger of you drowning
in the bath.

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KNOCKING ON DOOR

90
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Holy shit.

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Lovely to see you, too.

92
00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:43,840
You haven't changed.
No, you haven't, have you?

93
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You're two hours early.

94
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:49,400
Your text said eight o'clock.

95
00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:52,520
That says 1800. So technically,

96
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we're actually 226 years late.

97
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1800 is six o'clock, Lee.

98
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Perhaps you'd like us

99
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to wait outside
in the car for a couple of hours?

100
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Only if you're sure you don't mind.

101
00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:12,640
It's fine if you're not quite ready
for us.

102
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Should we take our shoes off?

103
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:17,760
It's a house,
Toby, not a bouncy castle.

104
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I don't know. Wait till you see
Lucy's face.

105
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I assume Lucy's upstairs putting on

106
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that amazing new outfit
she told me about.

107
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I'll surprise her.

108
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Wait till I tell her
you messed up the times.

109
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I can just picture her face.

110
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I bet you can't.

111
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Actually, she's, uh...
She's not up there. If she's not

112
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in the bedroom putting on
her new Balenciaga dress,

113
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and she's not in the kitchen
preparing the fregola,

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have you done away with her, Lee?

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It's like a very middle-class game
of Cluedo.

116
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"Was it Lee in the orangery
with the spiralizer?"

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Look, I am so sorry, but...

118
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..we're going to have to
cancel this evening.

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Cancel?! Why? I...I'm really sorry.

120
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And I would not be suggesting this
if it wasn't something very serious.

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Very, very serious.

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The thing is...

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..Lucy's mum's been rushed
to hospital.

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Oh, God! Poor Wendy!
What's the matter?

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What's happened?! It's all right.
It's nothing serious.

126
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You just said it was serious.
Very serious.

127
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Very, very serious.

128
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Yes, it is very, very serious,

129
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but not so serious

130
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that they can't completely rule out
it being nothing.

131
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But it probably is something.
Just too early

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to say yet at this stage
whether it's going

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to turn into something
more serious than nothing or not.

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Well, at least that's clear.

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Mystery illness.
They can't tell what it is.

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What are her symptoms?

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They can't even tell that
at this stage.

138
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Has she got a high temperature?
So hard to tell.

139
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It's really not.

140
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Unless the hospital
hasn't got a thermometer.

141
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:12,680
And that would be a cutback too far.

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00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:15,320
They can't take her temperature
because,

143
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um, she won't open her mouth...

144
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..or anything.

145
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Which hospital is it?
Toby's a doctor.

146
00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:26,240
He probably knows someone there.
Oh, I don't know.

147
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Lucy was in such a rush to leave.

148
00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:29,360
I said I'd just grab her bag
and follow her.

149
00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:30,760
You're going to have
to follow pretty closely

150
00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:32,520
if you don't know
which hospital she's gone to.

151
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:37,480
Look, I don't mean to be rude,
but I really should get going.

152
00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:42,120
This is such a shame, Lee.
We've driven all this way,

153
00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,520
and I was looking forward to
catching up on all your news.

154
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:49,600
Right. Uh, well, uh, you know,
we've both been well.

155
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:51,040
Just come back from
a weekend in York.

156
00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:52,120
Weather ruined it a little bit.

157
00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:53,960
My back's playing up again.
Might give Pilates a go.

158
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:55,160
Kids are all fine.

159
00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:57,160
I only hear from them when they want
money. We watched Adolescence.

160
00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:58,760
Can't believe they filmed it
all in one shot.

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00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:00,120
Thinking about getting
the driveway done.

162
00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:03,360
Lucy reckons she saw Bob Geldof
in Sainsbury's. I had gout.

163
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:09,160
What about all our news?
You've had your hair done.

164
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Toby's dyed his beard.

165
00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:12,800
I have not.

166
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There's no shame in it.
Well, there's no dye in it either.

167
00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:18,840
Look.

168
00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:20,920
I didn't say you'd done it
with Marmite.

169
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,320
Speaking of whether or not
something's died,

170
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:26,080
I really do need to get to Wendy.

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00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,080
PHONE PINGS

172
00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:32,240
Oh. It's a voice note from Lucy.

173
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,240
LUCY ON PHONE: Anna. Hi, it's Lucy.

174
00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:38,880
I'm so sorry to do this to you
at the last minute, but,

175
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:43,080
well, the thing is, we've
had a bit of an emergency.

176
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A medical emergency, to be precise.

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It's the cat.

178
00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:58,480
She's...she's in a terrible state.

179
00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:00,360
I really don't know what's happened.

180
00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:01,720
She was fine yesterday,

181
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:06,000
but this afternoon
she just started to swell up.

182
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,080
I mean, really swell up.

183
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:10,040
Like, grotesquely swollen,

184
00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:11,560
like a horror film!

185
00:09:11,560 --> 00:09:13,760
Oh, my God! I can't even look at it.

186
00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:15,160
I'm so sorry.

187
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:28,480
Did I say "mum"?
I actually meant "cat".

188
00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:33,160
Anything you want to explain to us,
Lee?

189
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:34,200
Yes.

190
00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:36,520
Yes, there is.

191
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,840
Well, the good news is, um,

192
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:44,280
Lucy's mum is absolutely fine.

193
00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:49,280
So I think we can all agree
that is a huge relief.

194
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:50,520
Phew!

195
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,520
However, the cat
isn't doing so well,

196
00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:58,120
and seeing as it's mine
and Lucy's only beloved little pet,

197
00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:00,960
you know, she is very worried
about it, as you can hear.

198
00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:03,480
So she's had to rush it to the vet.

199
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,440
OK.

200
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:11,000
Well, that clears everything up
nicely.

201
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,880
We'll be on our way.

202
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:17,320
Oh, but just one tiny thing.

203
00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:18,800
Yeah, all right, Columbo.

204
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:23,320
Why did you both tell us
completely different stories?

205
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:28,000
Oh, yeah, that.
That...that was odd, wasn't it?

206
00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:31,720
It's a long story.

207
00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:34,680
We're in no rush.

208
00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:39,080
Toby, sit.

209
00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:43,840
Is he allowed on the sofa?

210
00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:47,360
Look, the truth is...

211
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:50,840
I think Lucy

212
00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:54,160
was massively overreacting
about the cat.

213
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:58,120
Yes, it swelled up,
but it'll soon swell down.

214
00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:00,960
And in my personal opinion,
I didn't think it was

215
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:02,120
a good enough reason

216
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:06,000
to cancel your visit
at such short notice.

217
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,560
You know, especially with

218
00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:09,960
all the effort you've made.
You've driven over here.

219
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:13,160
Toby's dyed his beard.
I have not dyed my beard.

220
00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:15,520
But Lucy insisted on rushing it
to the vet.

221
00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:17,880
And then you arrived early. On time.

222
00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:20,440
On time, with your lovely beard...
Which isn't dyed.

223
00:11:21,560 --> 00:11:24,200
So I'm sorry. I panicked,
and I pretended it was

224
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:27,360
something more serious because,
quite frankly,

225
00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:30,400
I was...embarrassed.

226
00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:35,520
Well. I'm not surprised.
All this over a bloody cat.

227
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:38,440
Anna! Well,
they don't even show affection.

228
00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:40,720
Well, neither do you,
but I'd visit you in hospital.

229
00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:46,200
Well... I can't deny
I'm a little disappointed.

230
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:49,440
Cancelling at the last minute
and then lying about it.

231
00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:52,280
Well, for what it's worth,
we had a big disagreement about it.

232
00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:54,520
But you know what Lucy's like.

233
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:55,760
Lippy.

234
00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:01,120
I didn't even know you had a cat.

235
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:02,880
Well, maybe for not much longer.

236
00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,840
I mean, it does sound very serious.

237
00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:08,440
Very serious or very, very serious,
but not so serious that you can't

238
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,360
completely rule out
it being nothing?

239
00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,360
At least its fur hasn't
suddenly changed colour.

240
00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:20,560
I have not dyed my beard.
Look, I'm really sorry I lied,

241
00:12:20,560 --> 00:12:21,960
but I really need to go

242
00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:24,600
and see Lucy
and be with her to support her.

243
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:28,040
OK. But I think we should take
the lilies back.

244
00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:29,560
Don't be penurious, Toby.

245
00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:30,880
What do you mean, penurious?

246
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,120
Well, don't look at me,
I don't know what it means.

247
00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:37,360
I'm not taking them back
because I'm being penny-pinching.

248
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:38,440
I'm taking them back

249
00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:40,280
because lilies can be poisonous
to cats.

250
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:43,080
And that's the last thing you need
if it's already ill.

251
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:45,080
Well, it's a shame
it hasn't worked out,

252
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:46,520
especially after all the hard work

253
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:49,360
Lucy told me she'd done
preparing the food.

254
00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:50,800
Food delivery.

255
00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:55,520
Four baked goat cheese souffles
with apple and walnut salad.

256
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,520
She just needed a little help
with the starters.

257
00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:01,680
And four fregola sarda risotto
main courses with black truffle.

258
00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:05,800
At least she made the tiramisu.
And this is the...

259
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:07,120
I think we know what it is.

260
00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:12,080
At least she was going to open
the peanuts herself.

261
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:13,920
Sorry. I forgot your peanuts.

262
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:18,480
CLATTERING

263
00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:21,480
Is someone up there?
No. I think there is.

264
00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:23,480
There can't be. I'm home alone.

265
00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:25,320
Like Macaulay Culkin.

266
00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:27,240
Well, I was
until the two baddies turned up.

267
00:13:28,680 --> 00:13:31,240
I see you, Anna,
as the Joe Pesci one.

268
00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:33,840
You know,
the one with a bit more...edge.

269
00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:37,160
BANGING

270
00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:40,240
It might be a burglar. I mean,
you did leave the front door open.

271
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,240
Well, I don't want you two
being in any danger,

272
00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:44,840
so why don't you get going
and I'll go and check?

273
00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:47,560
Don't be ridiculous, Lee.
I'm not going to let you go

274
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:50,880
up there alone to be killed
by an axe-wielding maniac!

275
00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:52,400
Toby, go with him.

276
00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:57,240
It's OK. I can check.

277
00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:59,120
Er, it'll probably be just an old

278
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:01,880
sash window rattling in the wind.

279
00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:04,240
Here. Can you take that
to the kitchen for me?

280
00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:06,520
Take that.

281
00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:09,320
There you go.

282
00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:14,080
RELAXING MUSIC PLAYS

283
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:19,560
Don't do that!

284
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:22,120
Your weird face just staring at me
like that.

285
00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:23,720
Not even a hint of irony.

286
00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:29,000
Anna and Toby are downstairs! What?!

287
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,480
But they're two hours early! I know.

288
00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:33,560
Bit rude, if you ask me.

289
00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:35,760
What did you tell them?
Oh, don't worry.

290
00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:37,920
I was very convincing.

291
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:41,080
I said that your mum had been rushed
to hospital.

292
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,360
But you said
that was an awful thing to say!

293
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:45,280
Yeah. Turns out I was right.

294
00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:48,720
I said swollen cat.

295
00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:51,120
Oh, I know. One of the classics.

296
00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:52,360
"The dog ate my homework.

297
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:53,960
"The cheque's in the post.

298
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,480
"I've got a swollen cat!"

299
00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:00,400
Don't worry. I just told them
that I made up the mum story

300
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,080
because I was embarrassed
about the cat excuse.

301
00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:04,360
Which we all agreed

302
00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:07,480
was a pretty lame reason
for cancelling. Great.

303
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,520
That everyone's piling on me.

304
00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:10,840
Yeah. Well, they'll soon bounce off.

305
00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:14,640
Look! They're about to leave.

306
00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:16,080
So just stay quiet.

307
00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:17,560
Keep out of sight.

308
00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:19,640
And it is problem solved.

309
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:20,800
Oh, is that right?

310
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:26,200
And have you told anyone else
to keep quiet and stay out of sight?

311
00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:27,520
Like who?

312
00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:28,960
The cat!

313
00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:32,120
Oh, God, I hadn't thought of that.

314
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:34,480
How can you not think
of that, you cretin?!

315
00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:36,960
Don't start hurling insults at me,
fat lips!

316
00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:40,400
We should have just stuck with
the mum lie.

317
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:42,120
At least there's no danger
of her suddenly turning up

318
00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:44,320
on the draining board
and licking her own backside!

319
00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:58,440
Well?

320
00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:01,400
What? The noise upstairs.

321
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:05,760
Just an old sash window
rattling in the wind.

322
00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:06,840
That's exactly

323
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,160
what you thought it would be,
wasn't it?

324
00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,280
Word for word.

325
00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:12,840
You're not the only
Columbo around here.

326
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:14,720
I used to love Columbo.

327
00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:17,800
AS COLUMBO: My wife is a huge fan
of yours.

328
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:20,560
Well, she hides it well.

329
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:23,680
And did you give

330
00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:26,120
that old sash window
a good telling off?

331
00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:30,600
What? I could have sworn
I heard you talking to someone.

332
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:33,080
I phoned Lucy whilst I was up there,
you know?

333
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:34,480
Check she was OK.

334
00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:36,440
And how is she? Yeah.

335
00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:40,240
She's very stressed.

336
00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:41,480
We both are.

337
00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:43,080
I can imagine.

338
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,160
This kind of thing
can be very stressful.

339
00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:49,080
One of the big three, isn't it?

340
00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:51,160
Divorce, moving house...

341
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:52,400
..swollen cat.

342
00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:56,720
You don't mind us helping ourselves,
do you?

343
00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:58,160
No. In fact,

344
00:16:58,160 --> 00:16:59,600
why don't you take some food
with you?

345
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:02,600
Oh. Toby doesn't love food
to be eaten in his car.

346
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:05,560
He has a very annoying attitude
towards in-car etiquette.

347
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,040
Oh, I don't know.

348
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:09,200
I'd allow you to not wear
a seat belt.

349
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:17,000
So if you don't mind,
we'll just finish these nibbles.

350
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,400
Lucy won't mind
if you're a tiny bit late.

351
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:22,880
What's another five minutes?
Well, she is,

352
00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:25,040
um, very stressed.

353
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:27,800
Yeah. But you know Lucy.

354
00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:30,960
Always blowing things up
out of all proportion.

355
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:32,840
You're telling me.

356
00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:35,000
Come on, Anna, we should go.

357
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:38,640
Lee's clearly very worried
about Lucy and the cat.

358
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,320
Come on. Bring it in.

359
00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:43,880
Ah, you were never a big man hugger,
were you?

360
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:52,040
Oi!

361
00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:53,640
Come here, you big sausage!

362
00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:58,360
And you.

363
00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:58,360
ANNA YELPS

364
00:17:58,360 --> 00:18:00,040
Oh, I've missed you guys.

365
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:05,320
Oh, you haven't seen my garden yet.

366
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:07,240
I thought you were in a rush
to get to the vet.

367
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:10,440
Well, like you said,
what's another five minutes?

368
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:13,880
I want you to see my veg patch.
It's my pride and joy.

369
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:15,880
A bit hard to see in the dark,
isn't it?

370
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:17,640
Well, that's why
I'm growing carrots.

371
00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:21,080
Cupcake.

372
00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:23,960
Cupcake. Where are you,
my little angel?

373
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,880
Don't move, you furry bastard!

374
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:34,640
It's only for a couple of minutes.
And if you keep really quiet,

375
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:36,560
I'll give you four bowls
of tiramisu.

376
00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:39,080
CUPCAKE SCREECHES

377
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:42,240
Cupcake. Cupcake.

378
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:45,280
Cupcake. Cupcake.

379
00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:52,040
Cupcake?

380
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:53,520
Yes, sweet cheeks?

381
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,160
That was very quick,
looking at my veg patch.

382
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:04,440
It's only about six square feet
of mud.

383
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:06,440
Hardly Birds Eye HQ, is it?

384
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,240
Who's Cupcake?

385
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:13,280
The cleaner.

386
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:15,320
You call the cleaner Cupcake?

387
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:17,320
Her real name's Copcak,
but I can't pronounce that.

388
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:20,640
You just did.

389
00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:22,160
I got lucky.

390
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:23,640
I thought you were home alone.

391
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:27,280
Cleaner's got her own key.
She must have let herself in.

392
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:28,800
She doesn't have set hours, then?

393
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,200
She's on flexitime.

394
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,720
It was either that
or let her work from home

395
00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:36,920
and we thought this was
the best option.

396
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:43,560
Well, let's call her down, shall we,
and we can say hello?

397
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:46,000
Cupcake! Cupcake!

398
00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:48,680
Cupcake!

399
00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:54,360
Cupcake!

400
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:55,680
CUPCAKE MEOWS

401
00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:59,360
She obviously can't hear me.
I'll go up and say hello.

402
00:19:59,360 --> 00:20:01,800
Actually, the cleaner's not up
there.

403
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,560
I thought she was
because I heard a noise.

404
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:04,760
But I've just remembered.

405
00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:06,840
It can't be her because...

406
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:08,800
..she's been deported.

407
00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:15,440
That noise was probably just
that old rattly sash window again.

408
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:17,960
I really need to get that looked at,
don't I?

409
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:21,560
Cupcake sounds more like a pet name.

410
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:23,960
What kind of idiot would call
their cat Cupcake?

411
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:26,560
No, I mean a pet name.

412
00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:29,400
A name you'd use for a loved one.

413
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:33,480
Like Honey Bunny or Big Bear.

414
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:35,000
Or Henpecked.

415
00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:39,040
Talking of which, why don't you
go and find Toby?

416
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:41,240
But of course,
your loved one isn't here,

417
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:44,600
is she? She's at the vet's

418
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,320
with an overly inflated cat.

419
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:49,880
CUPCAKE SCREECHES AND HISSES

420
00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:51,720
CLATTERING

421
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:56,760
I think it's time I took a proper
tour of your beautiful new home.

422
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:04,600
Bloody wind.

423
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,680
You've got lots of space,
haven't you?

424
00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:14,400
You can have a great game
of hide and seek in this house.

425
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:19,280
Let's do it. Close your eyes
and count to 10,000.

426
00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:22,080
Is this your bedroom? Yep.

427
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:23,640
This is where the magic happens.

428
00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:25,960
Like making things disappear?

429
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:27,760
I meant sex.

430
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:30,160
"You're going to like this.

431
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:31,440
"Not a lot."

432
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:34,720
Let's have a look inside then.

433
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:36,400
Well, it's all a bit of a mess.

434
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:39,480
Isn't it?

435
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:42,040
Lucy wouldn't like you
seeing it like this.

436
00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:45,320
Yeah. But Lucy's not here...

437
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:46,920
..is she?

438
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:55,040
Not like Lucy to forget her handbag.

439
00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:58,440
She'd forget her head
if it wasn't screwed on.

440
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,320
Shall we open the curtains?

441
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:06,400
Then we can properly see
what's going on.

442
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:11,440
And that's magic!

443
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:16,840
Handy to have that garage roof
just there, isn't it?

444
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:20,680
You know, in case anyone needed
to escape in an emergency.

445
00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:23,360
Handy for the cat as well, you know.

446
00:22:23,360 --> 00:22:25,960
In case he's too swollen
to fit through the cat flap.

447
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:28,840
Well, no wonder it was so windy.

448
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:34,960
Anyway, I...I really should
get going, you know...

449
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:36,600
..be with Lucy.

450
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:46,880
She'd forget her legs
if they weren't screwed on.

451
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,560
Just as I thought.

452
00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:53,520
I knew you were making things up
from the moment we arrived.

453
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:58,240
Really? Lee, you've never used
a spiralizer!

454
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:04,440
Well, are you just going to
stay in there, Aslan?

455
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:07,520
Look, Anna, I can explain.

456
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:08,960
There's nothing to explain.

457
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:10,240
It's all fairly obvious.

458
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:13,320
You're having an affair.

459
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,560
What? You've been acting oddly
since we arrived,

460
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:20,200
and that handbag was the last straw.

461
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:22,800
Lucy would never dream of buying
anything so tacky.

462
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,920
And it's obviously quite serious
if you're calling her Cupcake.

463
00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:28,600
I'm not sleeping with the cleaner.

464
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:31,040
Of course, you're not.
I know there's no cleaner, Lee!

465
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:32,560
Look at the state of the place.

466
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:35,880
How could you do this to Lucy?

467
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:40,880
Especially when she's at the vet
with your pet cat that might die.

468
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:43,320
You really are a heartless bastard,
aren't you?

469
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:48,000
Feel free to chip in
from the wardrobe at any point.

470
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:52,640
So, who exactly is
this mystery woman?

471
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:55,480
Let's take a look, shall we?

472
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:05,000
Is that her day-to-day look
or were you role playing?

473
00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:07,880
Well?

474
00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:10,120
Are you going to say anything about
sleeping with my best friend's

475
00:24:10,120 --> 00:24:12,520
husband? Or are you just going to
stand there with your stupid

476
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:14,920
collagen lips and fat ankles?

477
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:30,240
You've got to be BLEEP kidding me.

478
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:37,600
You got me nose as well!

479
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:44,920
Good God. Is Cupcake her drag name?

480
00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:47,920
Well, I don't know who you are,
but I hope you're proud of yourself.

481
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:49,440
Oh, I think she is.

482
00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:55,000
I'm assuming you're not here
to repair the window.

483
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:58,000
There's a problem with your cat.

484
00:24:58,000 --> 00:24:59,680
I thought the cat was at the vet's.

485
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:02,880
Well, it was, but it must have
discharged itself and got an Uber.

486
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:05,120
I think it may be unwell.

487
00:25:05,120 --> 00:25:07,080
I found it downstairs
eating the lilies.

488
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:08,840
Oh! Cupcake!

489
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:10,320
Lucy?

490
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,800
They're real!

491
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:26,240
What is going on, Lucy?

492
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:28,960
What the hell has happened
to your lips?

493
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:30,800
Well, I don't know, Anna.

494
00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:34,320
But whatever it was clearly started
with my fat ankles.

495
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:37,040
Or maybe it was some sort of
viral disease

496
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:39,640
I caught from all this filthy mess.

497
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:43,120
But at least my big tacky lips
match my big tacky handbag.

498
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:48,920
Yes, Anna, I think somebody
is owed an apology.

499
00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:54,040
Or maybe later,
whenever you're ready.

500
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:56,600
I'm sorry, Lucy.

501
00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:58,880
I was just being defensive of you.

502
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:00,600
The handbag's fine.

503
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:03,040
And of course you don't have
fat ankles.

504
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:04,600
And the mess?

505
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:07,240
You're a busy woman.

506
00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:12,520
Look, would you both like to stay
the night still?

507
00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:15,680
When I get back from the vet's,
we'll microwave the food

508
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:17,560
and I'll explain everything.

509
00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:20,680
Like how I was trying to impress you
by getting lip fillers

510
00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:23,480
that went horribly wrong,
and then hiding from you

511
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:26,600
because I couldn't face you
seeing me looking like Frankenstein.

512
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:29,120
Frankenstein was actually
the man who created it.

513
00:26:29,120 --> 00:26:31,120
You mean... Not now, Toby.

514
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:34,120
That would be lovely, Lucy.

515
00:26:34,120 --> 00:26:37,920
Oh, I like the new beard colour,
by the way, Toby.

516
00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:42,440
It's called Man At Midnight.

517
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:47,560
I knew it. You bloody liar!

518
00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:54,280


519
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:55,680


520
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:58,640

with my head in a spin

521
00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:02,120

to scream and shout

522
00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:05,280


523
00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:07,840


524
00:27:07,890 --> 00:27:12,440
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